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Post by mostroop on Aug 3, 2022 1:53:58 GMT
When I was helping MIL word her will, I specifically told her to not leave a dollar amount, but rather a %. It's pretty much split between the 3 of them with the toxic SIL's % being split between her & her 2 children. MIL doesn't trust her to share with her children. 😕
The reason for this is just in case she was to lose money, then other people would not necessarily get the split she would have preferred.
We used an online service after putting it down & filed it.
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Post by notoriousmkg on Aug 3, 2022 17:27:49 GMT
I settled my mom's estate and also had talked with her neighbor who had just recently settled her sister's. The thing I got out of the experience and advice was this:
1. Get rid of all your useless crap - while you still have the physical and mental capacity to do it. Don't leave it to your kids to sort through your "Hoarders Buried Alive" crap.
2. Don't leave your dopey furniture to people who aren't expecting them and don't need them. They are only going to have to figure out how much it is worth and pay taxes on it after they get rid of it.
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Post by sputnik on Aug 3, 2022 17:27:59 GMT
^^^ well, i think that (the 'upset' bit) was from a source. but who knows? didn't wynonna already make money off of their recordings?? all i know is that when my mom was writing her will, her attorneys warned her against putting in specifics, like czb gets the family china, annoying son gets the stamp collection, etc. the attorneys said the more details you give, the easier it is to contest. eg, what constitutes the stamp collection? is the family china the same as the every day, or just the china in the cabinet? i guess i don't see this stuff as that negative. except in the case of my poor mother ... each of her siblings were specfically named in her mom's (my grandmother's) will, saying sister1 gets $x, sister2 gets $y... and then when they got to my mom, momma czb gets $1. now, that's a BURN. What a bitch. Why did she do that to your mom? |
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Post by charmedhour on Aug 3, 2022 18:02:45 GMT
I settled my mom's estate and also had talked with her neighbor who had just recently settled her sister's. The thing I got out of the experience and advice was this: 1. Get rid of all your useless crap - while you still have the physical and mental capacity to do it. Don't leave it to your kids to sort through your "Hoarders Buried Alive" crap. This! ALL OF THIS! My late MIL "collected" (AKA hoarded) all kinds of things including thousands, literally thousands of children's books, on top of figurines like Hummels. Every try to get rid of books? Impossible in that quantity. Sadly, nearly all of them went into a dumpster. It killed me to do so but there was no alternative. The "collectibles" are no longer collectables with any value. To circle back to the will-- it's possible Naomi had her kids/grandkids in an existing trust for any money and property she wanted them to have. She would still need a will if a trust doesn't cover all assets or not all intended beneficiaries. A will doesn't need to mention a trust as it's a separate entity but those with a trust should also have a will. Trusts are also an easier way to settle one's assets as trust don't go through a court process like a will being probated, unless there is a challenge. |
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Post by waterslide on Aug 3, 2022 18:30:38 GMT
I settled my mom's estate and also had talked with her neighbor who had just recently settled her sister's. The thing I got out of the experience and advice was this: 1. Get rid of all your useless crap - while you still have the physical and mental capacity to do it. Don't leave it to your kids to sort through your "Hoarders Buried Alive" crap. 2. Don't leave your dopey furniture to people who aren't expecting them and don't need them. They are only going to have to figure out how much it is worth and pay taxes on it after they get rid of it. My mom had a neighbor that she would check in on who left mountains of stuff for her kids to move when she passed away and my mom volunteered to sell the lot of it in a garage sale and guess whose garage it's still in. The kids didn't want to pay for someone to haul it away and I don't think they were up to going through all of it. But it's driving me insane. I told her to just open the garage door and sell it, but no, she wants to put little price tags on everything. I just can't even think about it. |
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Post by czb on Aug 3, 2022 18:49:43 GMT
^^^ well, i think that (the 'upset' bit) was from a source. but who knows? didn't wynonna already make money off of their recordings?? all i know is that when my mom was writing her will, her attorneys warned her against putting in specifics, like czb gets the family china, annoying son gets the stamp collection, etc. the attorneys said the more details you give, the easier it is to contest. eg, what constitutes the stamp collection? is the family china the same as the every day, or just the china in the cabinet? i guess i don't see this stuff as that negative. except in the case of my poor mother ... each of her siblings were specfically named in her mom's (my grandmother's) will, saying sister1 gets $x, sister2 gets $y... and then when they got to my mom, momma czb gets $1. now, that's a BURN. What a bitch. Why did she do that to your mom? i think she did not approve when my mom married my dad. not sure exactly .... this was a million years before i was born and all i know is that it hurt my mom. a lot. |
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Post by albatross on Aug 3, 2022 21:24:12 GMT
What a bitch. Why did she do that to your mom? i think she did not approve when my mom married my dad. not sure exactly .... this was a million years before i was born and all i know is that it hurt my mom. a lot. I'm petty enough that I could easily just not cash the check and keep them from closing out the estate.
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Post by sputnik on Aug 3, 2022 22:48:20 GMT
What a bitch. Why did she do that to your mom? i think she did not approve when my mom married my dad. not sure exactly .... this was a million years before i was born and all i know is that it hurt my mom. a lot. It’s such a shitty thing to do. in cases like that I feel like the siblings that did inherit should redistribute the money equally but that’s probably wishful thinking. Money brings out the worst in people |
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Post by czb on Aug 4, 2022 2:15:04 GMT
^^^ it really does. i think my mom's mom was a tool. the $1 thing really haunted her.
but then my mom named me after her mom. so not sure what that meant. i'm sure a shrink would have a field day.
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Post by notoriousmkg on Aug 4, 2022 13:56:57 GMT
I settled my mom's estate and also had talked with her neighbor who had just recently settled her sister's. The thing I got out of the experience and advice was this: 1. Get rid of all your useless crap - while you still have the physical and mental capacity to do it. Don't leave it to your kids to sort through your "Hoarders Buried Alive" crap. This! ALL OF THIS! My late MIL "collected" (AKA hoarded) all kinds of things including thousands, literally thousands of children's books, on top of figurines like Hummels. Every try to get rid of books? Impossible in that quantity. Sadly, nearly all of them went into a dumpster. It killed me to do so but there was no alternative. The "collectibles" are no longer collectables with any value. The stories I could tell - okay, I will tell a couple: Books - My mom was a huge book hoarder. But she also bought books and sent them to grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and people who were not related. When she died, though, there must have been thousands of books in her house. Some of them 200 years old and were like first-edition recorded proceedings of the US Supreme Court. Not in very good shape either - burst spines. Also, a complete Encyclopedia Britannica. I found out that a) nobody wants encyclopedias, and 2) rare books collectors are few and far between to the point where it's not worth pursuing the process. However, I didn't throw away any books. There are so many of these book donation binds out here in unusual locations. I had visited up to 3 in a day so that I didn't unfairly fill one up before some other poor guy showed up to get rid of his. My hands would be chopped up from continually flinging books into bins. Dumpsters - BEFORE my mom passed away, I had filled at least 3 haul-away dumpsters with stuff. When my dad was still alive, my mom would not let him throw away anything. However, after he died and my mom had a mouse infestation in the basement and rec room levels, I told her I was getting rid of stuff that had been contaminated. She kicked up a fight, but I told her I would have her place condemned if she didn't let me. She backed down and actually was pretty pleased with the results. But hoarders are like the ocean eroding the coastline - they are relentless. After she died, I think it took 3-4 more dumpsters to empty out the place. And that's aside from Salvation Army donations. It took 4 years to empty, clean, fix up, and sell her property. And THEN settle her estate. There were many weekends where I didn't see my family, or I didn't go on a short beach vacation, or a trip to a relative's with the family, so I could take care of this. But the money from the estate went straight into our kids' college fund, which is the way my mom would have wanted it anyway. |
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Post by charmedhour on Aug 4, 2022 15:26:49 GMT
This! ALL OF THIS! My late MIL "collected" (AKA hoarded) all kinds of things including thousands, literally thousands of children's books, on top of figurines like Hummels. Every try to get rid of books? Impossible in that quantity. Sadly, nearly all of them went into a dumpster. It killed me to do so but there was no alternative. The "collectibles" are no longer collectables with any value. The stories I could tell - okay, I will tell a couple: Books - My mom was a huge book hoarder. But she also bought books and sent them to grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and people who were not related. When she died, though, there must have been thousands of books in her house. Some of them 200 years old and were like first-edition recorded proceedings of the US Supreme Court. Not in very good shape either - burst spines. Also, a complete Encyclopedia Britannica. I found out that a) nobody wants encyclopedias, and 2) rare books collectors are few and far between to the point where it's not worth pursuing the process. However, I didn't throw away any books. There are so many of these book donation binds out here in unusual locations. I had visited up to 3 in a day so that I didn't unfairly fill one up before some other poor guy showed up to get rid of his. My hands would be chopped up from continually flinging books into bins. Dumpsters - BEFORE my mom passed away, I had filled at least 3 haul-away dumpsters with stuff. When my dad was still alive, my mom would not let him throw away anything. However, after he died and my mom had a mouse infestation in the basement and rec room levels, I told her I was getting rid of stuff that had been contaminated. She kicked up a fight, but I told her I would have her place condemned if she didn't let me. She backed down and actually was pretty pleased with the results. But hoarders are like the ocean eroding the coastline - they are relentless. After she died, I think it took 3-4 more dumpsters to empty out the place. And that's aside from Salvation Army donations. It took 4 years to empty, clean, fix up, and sell her property. And THEN settle her estate. There were many weekends where I didn't see my family, or I didn't go on a short beach vacation, or a trip to a relative's with the family, so I could take care of this. But the money from the estate went straight into our kids' college fund, which is the way my mom would have wanted it anyway. We're up to dumpster #4, all the previous 3 (30 yards) filled fast and were over the free weight. We still have a thousand more books to go. I have been able to sell some online to Decluttr and other such sites but the vast majority went in the dumpsters. I couldn't find anywhere to donate more than a small number. Even the local SA wouldn't take more than a dozen books.  I'm a bibliophile so it truly hurt my soul. I did give tons away as well. I posted in my local community FB pages saying, "Come and get some!" and I had a few hundred taken off my hands from neighbors with young children. Gave few dozen to coworkers/bosses & friends with young children. I've kept about 100 books so far for myself. Beautiful illustrated sets of Louisa May Alcott, some Wizard of Oz, and a bunch of older books that have some value but need to find a buyer/consignment place for. The hardest of all items to clear out have been her Hummels and concert harps. A- Hummels have almost no value as the voracious collectors have passed away and their collections have saturated the market. And harps, who plays harps? Especially ones with very high value in this current economic climate. |
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trixie
OGs 
stuck in the middle with you...
Posts: 2,105
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Post by trixie on Aug 4, 2022 17:53:55 GMT
omg you guys - Mo, 4 years? It took me about a year to get my mom's estate settled and her house sold, but I also had to find a place for my sister since she had lived with my mom. And I thought that was bad! We were going to do an estate sale for her furniture but the house sold quickly and we didn't have time so we just wholesaled it all out to someone who would come and clear out EVERYTHING. Some really nice furniture but I had no place for it, took a few things and some for my sister's new place but most of it just had to go.
The woman who lived across the street from me was a hoarder, she is now in a nursing home and her son is left with the mess. There have been several dumpsters and clean outs over the years but I guess it just fills back up. At one point she was removed from the home by the health dept because her next door neighbors complained she was leaving garbage in her back yard which was attracting rodents. When they inspected they found no running water or operational bathrooms. Keep in mind this is a lakefront home which under different circumstances could probably fetch up to $1 million.
The son who is handling things is a freaking heart surgeon in Chicago and he said he had to go through all the junk because she had stashed large amounts of cash in old newspapers and jewelry in odd places. So now I guess it's dumpster time again and then they will sell it as-is. She was always semi-friendly to me because I was the only neighbor she hadn't totally alienated but I've never seen the inside of her house. If they end up showing it I am definitely going to look! He said he'd like to burn it to the ground lol. And I wouldn't be surprised if it's a teardown because the land is worth a lot and maybe not worth trying to rehab the place. Which is a shame because it's not a bad looking house, from the outside anyway, a nice older brick 2-story, only a little shabby looking at this point. Nothing a good paint job and landscaping couldn't help but I'm sure the inside is a nightmare.
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Post by charmedhour on Aug 4, 2022 19:10:08 GMT
omg you guys - Mo, 4 years? It took me about a year to get my mom's estate settled and her house sold, but I also had to find a place for my sister since she had lived with my mom. And I thought that was bad! We were going to do an estate sale for her furniture but the house sold quickly and we didn't have time so we just wholesaled it all out to someone who would come and clear out EVERYTHING. Some really nice furniture but I had no place for it, took a few things and some for my sister's new place but most of it just had to go. The woman who lived across the street from me was a hoarder, she is now in a nursing home and her son is left with the mess. There have been several dumpsters and clean outs over the years but I guess it just fills back up. At one point she was removed from the home by the health dept because her next door neighbors complained she was leaving garbage in her back yard which was attracting rodents. When they inspected they found no running water or operational bathrooms. Keep in mind this is a lakefront home which under different circumstances could probably fetch up to $1 million. The son who is handling things is a freaking heart surgeon in Chicago and he said he had to go through all the junk because she had stashed large amounts of cash in old newspapers and jewelry in odd places. So now I guess it's dumpster time again and then they will sell it as-is. She was always semi-friendly to me because I was the only neighbor she hadn't totally alienated but I've never seen the inside of her house. If they end up showing it I am definitely going to look! He said he'd like to burn it to the ground lol. And I wouldn't be surprised if it's a teardown because the land is worth a lot and maybe not worth trying to rehab the place. Which is a shame because it's not a bad looking house, from the outside anyway, a nice older brick 2-story, only a little shabby looking at this point. Nothing a good paint job and landscaping couldn't help but I'm sure the inside is a nightmare. We're at the 2.5 year mark over here. There was a big delay for us in just getting the will filed as she died just before the world shut down. |
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trixie
OGs
stuck in the middle with you...
Posts: 2,105
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Post by trixie on Aug 4, 2022 19:58:35 GMT
^ Wow, that's a lot of time and effort. And in the meantime, the expenses continue on a house that will probably exceed whatever you can get for those harps and Hummels and you can't put the house up for sale until you get rid of them.
I will say it is easier to part with someone else's stuff than your own. My mom saved a lot of things that had sentimental value to her (I swear she kept every obituary of anyone in the family, and every greeting card anyone ever sent her) but I had to tell myself those were HER memories, not mine and what was I gonna do with all her old picture albums going back to high school with photos of people I never knew. So, chuck them.
I have tons of my own stuff I need to part with but that's more complicated. It's all GOOD stuff, dammit! And somebody might want it, or want to buy it on ebay lol. I've started to (slowly) pack up things to donate. There's a second hand shop in my area that benefits a local humane/wildlife group so for me that's a more feel-good thing than dumping things off at Goodwill.
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Post by notoriousmkg on Aug 4, 2022 21:04:57 GMT
Trixie and Charmedhour - reading about your situations has been pretty interesting and kind of confirms my feeling about what we did.
Related to what Charmed said on the Will. My mom had a Will and had signed over Power of Attorney and Advance Medical Directive to my brother and/or me. Also, my name was on one of her checking accounts and my brother's was on the other. So, when my mom got sick, we almost effortlessly transitioned into paying for stuff, making medical, hospice, and funeral decisions.
The tough part once again, was the house. My brother had a major seizure at almost exactly the time my mom was diagnosed as terminal and died. He was hospitalized and barely made it out in time to help make arrangements with me for our mom's funeral. He also had tiny kids and was initially not helping at all with cleaning out and fixing up the house. Over time it was beginning to create a major rift in our relationship (which is now completely fine). I was getting irrationally angry trying to figure out how to deal with what seemed like 50 pounds of mummified mouse dropping scattered through the basement. Trust me, by the time I was done, it looked amazing.
I am sentimental about almost nothing because of the experience. We do have some furniture from my parents' house, but for the most part, I don't need a physical memento of them. I MYSELF am the physical memento my parents left behind - everything else can just go away. I would look at items from my childhood and just get angry that I had to figure out what to do with it.
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