Feel Gut Punched

[dilligaf]

Well I rarely share but this is a safe place for me.

I have 3 roommates and two just returned from a week long vacation. I was going to go out to greet them but I heard the three roomies talking through my door, and they were shit talking me!!!!

I feel Gut Punched, I've always been nice and even gave them food, and a twenty here and there, shared my weed even when it hurt me and I had to go without( I use it for my broken back and arthritis pain), let their dogs out for them, put their clothes over for them, feed their cats, etc etc normal, nice I thought, roommate things. I stay in my room on my side and try not to bother anyone, so this is really a slap in my face.

I'm saving to move but I have about five more months here before that can happen.

My plan is to stop talking to them and stay in my my room out of the commons area when they are around.

I am just really fucking hurt, and they know I'm low right now. I've fought a broken ankle all summer, my mom is dying, I got Covid and fainted and really injured my back in the fall, and my depression has gotten kind of bad to the point I want to give up some days.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? How did you cope? I just really didn't realize how back stabby they were. I feel dumb and just hurt and sad. And I also do not trust them any longer. Like, here they are so sweet to my face and to hear them talk so vile about me really was a gut punch tonight.

Positive vibes, please, guys.

[Sarzy]

I'm really sorry you are dealing with so much, dilligaf. Regarding the roommates, I think if I was in your position I'd probably do the same and try and have as little to do with them as possible until I was able to move. Have you lived with them a long time? 

[kittylady]

From now on your food cupboard is now bare. You don't have any weed to spare. You don't have a spare twenty.

I'd probably still feed the cats and let the dogs out, but that's because I couldn't let animals be discomforted because their owners were dicks, but that would be it.

Just a word of advice though - don't shut yourself away in one room as it will not help your depression. If you need to be around them less then channel at least some of that time into things outside the house that are free but enriching to you, such as taking a walk in a park for some fresh air while taking notice of the different types of plants, trees, wildlife etc or exhibitions and museums.

[albatross]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've never been in that situation, but I'd probably do the same. I'm not sure how I'd act if I ran into them. Part of me says be sweet as can be, but another part says to give them the cold shoulder.

Are they home a lot when you are? If so, it sucks that you're basically going to be a prisoner in your own home, but I know I'd be really hurt and would hate any kind of interaction with them. It's an awful situation to be in.

[tulip]

My daughter had a similar-sh situation in college. Four friends rooming together. One was her best friend. Best friend decided to be BFF's with a different roommate and froze my daughter out completely. Then, the snide comments started. It was super hurtful. The third roommate went with the other two, so my daughter felt very alone in her home. She decided to do her own thing and ignore them, but it was super uncomfortable being in the common living space. She spent more time with different friends and at her sorority house. It was a rough several months.

To this day she doesn't know what happened or why. Fortunately, things changed the next school year.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate on top of the roommate drama. I'm so sorry. Living with people can be really difficult . I think sometimes when people don't want to be the odd person out they become part of the pack so they aren't on the receiving end. I agree with Kitty's advice. Hopefully you can get out of that situation in time.

Hang in there!

[brookie]

I'm so very sorry. It's so tough being betrayed by people you trust/ed. Be strong for yourself.

I might let them know you heard them. Sometimes, you have to let go of something before you're ready.

Big hug.

[constancespry]

I am sorry that happened, mean people suck. On the bright side you now know who they are and can stop being nice to them. But I agree with Kitty to keep being kind to the pets.  

Can you move in with a relative or friend while you continue to save money? Maybe check on Craig’s list if someone is renting a suitable room that wouldn’t cost you more than your current expenses? If you are working, can you change your hours so you can avoid these people? If none of the above is an option, just remember 5 months go by pretty quickly, avoid them as much as you can, and focus on saving and moving out as soon as possible. 

[burnt_toast]

I really can't offer any advice other than the wonderful words you've already gotten above. Just sending you a hug. Betrayal is so painful and can really mess with your sense of self worth. All the hugs.

[MsDark]

I would try my damnedest to move out sooner, even if it meant crashing with family for a bit.

These ingrates don't deserve your contribution to their rent and utilities, even if you stop with the extras like letting them mooch off your food, weed and running around cash. Let them have to worry about that and they'll be far too busy to be shit-talking others.

Being in this environment for any longer than you have to is not going to be great for your health.

[panic]

Sept 18, 2022 3:23:26 GMT dilligaf said:

Has this ever happened to anyone else? How did you cope? I just really didn't realize how back stabby they were. 

This has happened to me with a friend of mine, it hurt a lot, like a punch in the face. I don't know if this is a healthy way to process hurt, but every time I would miss her and miss how funny she was and remembered good times of us laughing our ass off, I would think of hearing her disrespecting me when she was on the phone. That was my go-to, keep that in mind made made it easier to gloss over.  And in doing that, it just affirmed that I knew I wasn't safe with her and that the loss of a friend is not really what this was because she wasn't really a friend. 

I hope you can hold on until you're away from there. Try to focus on just recovering right now. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. *hugs*

[chalet]

Adding one thing to all the loving things said above - sometimes people cannot handle other people's illnesses or troubles. Instead of being supportive or helping, they are the opposite. Keep saving money and don't share your thoughts or problems with any of them.  "You're managing everything
and working on healing" type of communication.  My good thoughts and prayers for you Mom. 

[beeyotch]

I am so sorry these people suck and you're on the short end of their shitty stick. I'd re-read what panic said, that these people have shown themselves to be NOT your friends, they're not safe, and so it's not really a loss at all. More of a gift of knowledge. Now you know what they're like, act accordingly. Why would you want to be friends with shit-apples like they've shown themselves to be?

I understand that it hurts after putting your generosity out there for them like you did, but no more. Stick to it, civility is all they get (for your own sake, not theirs) and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. You'll get out of there.

[dilligaf]

Thanks for making me feel better guys. I'm embarrassed I even posted this 🤣 but I hate getting my feelings hurt and needed to safely vent. I appreciate your time, and will eventually delete the thread if possible, since I've simmered down.

[no1novice]

dilligaf - I had a book recommended to me at a trauma-session recently. It's called "the body keeps the score"

Since it was recommended to me I've been advised that there are also parts of chapters that one may need to skip if reading it as survivor and not a therapist; as they can be very triggering.

I've not read it yet but a couple of people have advised that they found it very helpful but also heavy going. Just thought I'd mention it in case it could help someone here.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Body_Keeps_the_Score

[burnt_toast]

Nov 13, 2022 15:43:44 GMT no1novice said:

dilligaf - I had a book recommended to me at a trauma-session recently. It's called "the body keeps the score"

Since it was recommended to me I've been advised that there are also parts of chapters that one may need to skip if reading it as survivor and not a therapist; as they can be very triggering.

I've not read it yet but a couple of people have advised that they found it very helpful but also heavy going. Just thought I'd mention it in case it could help someone here.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Body_Keeps_the_Score

I have recommended and purchased this book for SO MANY people.  It is hard to work through sometimes, it can be triggering and it absolutely can provide some insight into the fundamental mind/body connections involved with trauma.  

It's amazing.