Burnout? MId-life career changes

[burnt_toast]

Guys, I have distinct memories of asking some of you about pre-school advice for my youngest, my god we have all come full circle haven't we?  

So here I am, almost 50 and covid just ruined me early this year.  Peri-menopause is hitting me hard, post covid syndrome complete with migraines and severe PMDD that leaves me, quite literally, out of my mind for about a twelve days each month.  Despair and incredible anxiety.  Suicidal Ideation (no plans, I have an excellent support network, errbody on my block knows I'm fragile and looks out for me.  I am very lucky).  I've been coping.  Actively in therapy I am also on a low dose ssri and HRT.  I meditate every day, I eat well, I haven't had any alcohol in three months.  And now I'm hugely sensitive to the cortisol and testosterone surges in the morning, which has led to panic attacks on the regular.  My kids are grown and I live alone. I have a lovely partner who lives across town and that seems just perfect for both of us.

I'm also burned the fuck out.  I've been working for 35 years and have been in a data engineering for the last two (after about fifteen years in security).  Between the intense cognitive load of my job and the working SO HARD to take care of myself there is just nothing really left of me.  I feel like those rats they put in unsolvable mazes who just gave up.  Today is my first day of medical leave for burnout.  I meet with my doctor on wednesday to discuss our plan of action.

Have any of you been here before?  I feel like I just can't continue to spend 40 hours a week juggling three monitors worth of information I must process and coalesce into cohesive structures.  I can't go on with so much problem solving and processing new information.  My first goal is to just relax and heal but I will have to make some decisions in the coming weeks about my career.  Does any one have any experiences they are willing to share?  Stories they have heard about this kind of change going well?  I'm generally feeling positive about my future but also pretty well terrified because I'm just not sure what move to make next.  All I know is that I can't keep going on as I have.

I'm not sure how much time to take off or how to start even moving toward something different.  Literally, I'm on day one.

Any advice?

[brookie]

In a similar position here, yet different. I'm now a retiree after 52 years of office work - big companies, small companies, retail, insurance, automotive, aviation. I was let go 2 months ago and am trying like hell to get accustomed to what "retired" is. I have some symptoms of PTSD and am working to get complete with my situation. It's completely weird "being my own boss", and I'm doing way better now than I did a month ago. I can totally get someone being burned out; I feel like I am sometimes as well. Just hang in there, because things WILL get better. Listen to your body and your brain, and give it time to adjust and heal. It's not an easy road, and there are bumps.

I was let go from a contract position at Nissan, and I'm reading now that their financial situation may be dire (sales down 70% from a year ago, with their two largest markets - US and China - really hurting). So maybe I dodged a bullet in the long run. Had an interesting conversation with a former coworker there today (he's leaving at the end of the month), and a couple of my younger male former coworkers may have sabotaged my work in one of the databases (the only point of contention in my dismissal). These two can do no wrong in the eyes of the supervisor, and are not well liked by other department members because they are arrogant, argumentative and disrespectful. Before he leaves, this person is going to have an all-out discussion and lay things exactly on the line with my ex-supervisor about how he feels, and his experience of being ignored and dismissed.

So yeah, it's an odd place to be, especially if you weren't expecting it. Feel free to chat me up here if you like; we can compare notes.

[czb]

i get it. don't want to put a lot here since we are in a public thread, but after working so many years and dealing with so much kid drama, i am taking a break. still working, but not 40 hours per week. my kids need too much support and my brain is fried.

[palta]

i've never been a 'career person' but i am workaholic and it is always tricky to find a work-life balance.
i am working a lot less than i used to, freelancing from home mostly. that barely lets me cover my bills and i am worried about money a lot BUT i'm loving my life right now and i don't know if i could go back to work full time away from home five days a week.

my advice is to get your priorities straight and think about what is more important to you.
ask yourself: do you need some time off to rest? or do you want to slow down and shift the focus completely? what would your ideal work scenario be? in what areas of your life are you willing to compromise? etc.

also, the health issues you are mentioning are no joke and it is logical that you are feeling overwhelmed. it is great that you are listening to yourself and your needs. i think that is a great start.

[kittylady]

Oct 15, 2024 16:31:43 GMT czb said:

i get it. don't want to put a lot here since we are in a public thread, but after working so many years and dealing with so much kid drama, i am taking a break. still working, but not 40 hours per week. my kids need too much support and my brain is fried.

Same here. A lot of you know that Bloke had to make a huge career change out of financial/mental health necessity after being laid off from the only field he'd ever known and had excelled in. And honestly? He's loving it! Like, really, really loving it to the point where he's stopped viewing it as "this will pay the bills and stop me going crazy until I can go back to what I know" and now sees it as something really worthwhile and satisfying that he doesn't want to walk away from. Sure there's a lot more money and perks in his former career, but overall he's happier than he has been for a long time. He's currently on day two of a week of annual leave (and only because he has to use it up!) and he's already looking forward to going back to work!

burnt_toast once you've had a little time to uncrumple yourself and relax take a look at your financial needs and options. How many hours a week/pay rates would you need to live at a comfort level you could be happy with? Then look at what career options are available to you to meet that need. It doesn't have to be in "your" field that you are in now; it can be something completely different but that comes with less stress and more personal satisfaction. Could you 50/50 it with part time hours at your current job providing for the bills and then having the rest of the time to relax, volunteer somewhere, study something just because you like the sound of it or work a second part time job doing something completely different.

[burnt_toast]

So many thanks guys! These responses are so validating. I'm giving myself the rest of this week before I even have to start thinking about next steps. I'll be taking at least six weeks off. Thank god I have some resources to support this time off. My employer is really pretty wonderful.

[Pixie]

I feel you, only 15 years as a teacher and I was certain I did not want 25 more years if that. Threw my diplomas and exams through the window and became a tattoo artist at the ripe old age of 37 XD
Honestly I make waaaaaaay less money and being self employed is very stressful, but overall, I’m doing better, working at a rhythm that suits me

[greysfang]

Even with the boys out of the house I've been feeling extremely burned out out lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the political uncertainty in the country...plus the fact that I work with lawyers. I've been considering retiring early, but I'm going to wait until the first of the year to make any decision. Also the husband may be transferring out of the country (or retiring), so retirement is a big option for me though I have no idea what I'd do with myself all day if I did. I still love my husband madly but I think I'd go nuts if he was underfoot all the time.

[kittylady]

Oct 17, 2024 21:06:07 GMT greysfang said:

Even with the boys out of the house I've been feeling extremely burned out out lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the political uncertainty in the country...plus the fact that I work with lawyers. I've been considering retiring early, but I'm going to wait until the first of the year to make any decision. Also the husband may be transferring out of the country (or retiring), so retirement is a big option for me though I have no idea what I'd do with myself all day if I did. I still love my husband madly but I think I'd go nuts if he was underfoot all the time.

In the UK the answer is usually a shed at the bottom of the garden. Get it insulated so they don't freeze to death, give them a kettle and tea making tools and then banish them lol.

[no1novice]

Oct 18, 2024 1:14:35 GMT kittylady said:

Oct 17, 2024 21:06:07 GMT greysfang said:

Even with the boys out of the house I've been feeling extremely burned out out lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the political uncertainty in the country...plus the fact that I work with lawyers. I've been considering retiring early, but I'm going to wait until the first of the year to make any decision. Also the husband may be transferring out of the country (or retiring), so retirement is a big option for me though I have no idea what I'd do with myself all day if I did. I still love my husband madly but I think I'd go nuts if he was underfoot all the time.

In the UK the answer is usually a shed at the bottom of the garden. Get it insulated so they don't freeze to death, give them a kettle and tea making tools and then banish them lol.

Yep my ex made his own shed that was 50m x 30m. Not far enough from the house though.

@greysfang would you come to Europe?


I don't want to comment on the burnout thing as it will just start a massive whine-fest that I can't stop but just know you are not alone @burnt_toast

[greysfang]

To retire? We'd almost certainly go to Norway.

[czb]

Oct 17, 2024 21:06:07 GMT greysfang said:

Even with the boys out of the house I've been feeling extremely burned out out lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the political uncertainty in the country...plus the fact that I work with lawyers. I've been considering retiring early, but I'm going to wait until the first of the year to make any decision. Also the husband may be transferring out of the country (or retiring), so retirement is a big option for me though I have no idea what I'd do with myself all day if I did. I still love my husband madly but I think I'd go nuts if he was underfoot all the time.

i couldn't agree with the bolded part more. also, this happened at the tail end of the SiP. i think the mental instability from both of these things will be written about for generations. like our version of our parents/grandparents issues from the great depression.

[palta]

how are you doing burnt_toast ?

i hope this time off is helping you figure things out.