Breaking up with a longtime friend

[eatsleepbeer]

Mar 24, 2023 0:58:24 GMT no1novice said:

Happy birthday 🎈


I do a quick check - would I accept that behaviour in a partner or a friend's partner?
But then again, I had to call myself out as my self-talk was abusive. Once I really heard that I paid attention to what others said. It made my social circle a lot smaller but I am healthier for it.
It's not easy though.

That resonated with me...the part about your own self talk.  I need to work on myself as well. ❤️ 

[eatsleepbeer]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice and support!! With all of your help and suggestions, I've decided to send her a message letting her know how she's made me feel, this time and in the past, and how there needs to be changes going forward. And ask for some time to heal. (I know a phone call would be better, but I know me. I'd chicken out and it wouldn't happen and we're back at square one). If she's amenable, we'll see how it goes in the future. If not, then I have my answer of what to do. And I need to work on myself, my confidence, my self esteem. It's just so hard, I feel like this is just ME, and there's nothing I can do about it, but I need to try. Thanks again everyone for helping me to work it out. It felt like this overwhelming tangle of thoughts and emotions and this really helped me to untangle it all.

[Pixie]

I actually started a "am I the asshole" thread here because I had a similar issue with a friend. Despite never being there for me or checking up on me, she made me feel like *I* was the bad friend.
Like you, I used to keep people around me who really weren't friends. I am a lot better at letting them go now. I also find that as I age, I love my solitude more and more, and do want too many friendhsip to entertain. Because maintaining friendships is "work", and I'd rather keep a limited amount of great people than have many "ok" ones.
Recently, I broke up with a couple of friends over my cancelled holidays. I was never able to make it to my holiday destinations because of a series of unfortunate events, lost a lot of money, was super stressed and none of them checked up on me. Used lame ass excuses such as "you lost your holidays but some people lost their lives during that earthquake!" like seriously bitch, is that a contest? Do I have to be the most miserable person on earth to have one text message asking me if I'm ok? And then we were supposed to meet, and up to 30mn before the supposed meeting time I was asking them. if it was still on, noone answered, and an hour later I receive a picture of them sitting in a café ... and I was like ok bitches I'm done.
2 years ago I also broke up with someone who called me her best friend, because I just couldnt see what I was getting out of this anymore, whilst she was leeching lots of energy off of me.

Sometimes you'll find that our confidence finds itself boosted by not having toxc people around you <3

[funky]

So much great advise here as usual. You did perfect eatsleepbeer, you set your boundaries and whatever will result uf this will be something positive. Either your friend will become your friend again, or you made room for someone that deserves that space in your heart. And by the way I actually don't think you should've called, and texting is the better solution. This gives her room to think and reflect instead of jumping to her defense because she feels ambushed.

Pixie, WTF? They sent you a picture of them sitting in a café instead of meeting with you? How did you react?

Something that I recently read is that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And some you can't really get away from, like co-workers, so it's even more important to make sure to surroung yourself with positive people that enrich your life and not drain you.

[daphodil]

Absolutely agree, funky! Removing toxic people removes so much drama and stress. I recommend it. My world is now pretty small, but there's peace and serenity and little to no drama. Was it easy? Nope. Do I still think about sending a text or something? Yep. Do I? Nope. Just like after I quit smoking - if I have one I'll smoke a carton. If I let the toxic back in, my whole world will be poisoned.

[Pixie]

Mar 26, 2023 16:21:29 GMT funky said:

So much great advise here as usual. You did perfect eatsleepbeer, you set your boundaries and whatever will result uf this will be something positive. Either your friend will become your friend again, or you made room for someone that deserves that space in your heart. And by the way I actually don't think you should've called, and texting is the better solution. This gives her room to think and reflect instead of jumping to her defense because she feels ambushed.

Pixie, WTF? They sent you a picture of them sitting in a café instead of meeting with you? How did you react?

Something that I recently read is that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And some you can't really get away from, like co-workers, so it's even more important to make sure to surroung yourself with positive people that enrich your life and not drain you.

Yeah that's when I chose the passive aggressive solution and left the Whatsapp group. I know I could have explained myself or at least try and tell them this was not ok ... but I thought, if I have to explain that this is not ok, they are obviously not great friends.
I mean, for days we had talked about that get together, I send a message 30mn before saying "yeah I'm early, we're still meeting right?", receive no answer, but then they meet and send a picture? Fuck that XD

[funky]

That is so very weird. It's like they sent you a big FU no? It only makes sense to leave the Whatsapp Group. Have they messaged you after that incident?