Post by no1novice on Jul 6, 2022 19:20:20 GMT
Hayden Panettiere Reveals Addiction to Opioids and Alcohol: 'I Was in a Cycle of Self-Destruction'
"There was just this gray color in my life," the actress tells PEOPLE about years spent battling substance dependency on top of a devastating bout with postpartum depression
Panettiere was drinking alcohol and occasionally taking opioids, but meanwhile, her career was flourishing. "My saving grace is that I couldn't be messy while on set and working," says the star, who landed the role of superpowered cheerleader Claire Bennet on Heroes when she was 16. "But things kept getting out of control [off set]. And as I got older, the drugs and alcohol became something I almost couldn't live without."
In 2014, Panettiere was starring as troubled country singer Juliette Barnes on Nashville. The actress's real-life pregnancy was written into the show, and soon it became clear that her character's inner demons mirrored her own.
"Those were really tough years," says Panettiere, who suffered from severe postpartum depression after Kaya was born. "I could relate to a lot of those storylines like the alcoholism and postpartum depression. They hit close to home."
Kaya is, however, having a “really, really hard time” amid Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, the “Heroes” alum shared.
Although Panettiere confirmed in February that her daughter was out of the war-torn country, she told People that Klitschko, 46, has been “on the ground fighting.”
"There was just this gray color in my life," the actress tells PEOPLE about years spent battling substance dependency on top of a devastating bout with postpartum depression
By Aili Nahas July 06, 2022 08:00 AM
For the first time, Hayden Panettiere is opening up about a secret addiction to opioids and alcohol that nearly cost her career — and her life.
"I was on top of the world and I ruined it," the former Nashville star, 32, says in the new issue of PEOPLE. She spent years battling her addiction, as well as a devastating bout with postpartum depression. "I'd think I hit rock bottom, but then there's that trap door that opens."
Eventually, Panettiere — who shares a 7-year-old daughter, Kaya, with her ex, Wladimir Klitschko — was determined to get help. "I put a lot of work into myself and I had to be willing to be incredibly honest," says the actress, who underwent both trauma therapy and inpatient treatment within the last year. Now she's returned to set to reprise her fan-favorite character Kirby Reed in the next Scream film, and she's pouring her heart into her work with Hoplon International, the charity she founded in March whose mission it is to raise funds for Ukraine as the country endures its fifth month of war with Russia.
"This hasn't been easy and there were a lot of ups and downs," says Panettiere of her journey to sobriety and happiness. "But I don't regret even the ugliest things that have happened to me. I feel incredibly accomplished. And I feel like I have a second chance."
"I was on top of the world and I ruined it," the former Nashville star, 32, says in the new issue of PEOPLE. She spent years battling her addiction, as well as a devastating bout with postpartum depression. "I'd think I hit rock bottom, but then there's that trap door that opens."
Eventually, Panettiere — who shares a 7-year-old daughter, Kaya, with her ex, Wladimir Klitschko — was determined to get help. "I put a lot of work into myself and I had to be willing to be incredibly honest," says the actress, who underwent both trauma therapy and inpatient treatment within the last year. Now she's returned to set to reprise her fan-favorite character Kirby Reed in the next Scream film, and she's pouring her heart into her work with Hoplon International, the charity she founded in March whose mission it is to raise funds for Ukraine as the country endures its fifth month of war with Russia.
"This hasn't been easy and there were a lot of ups and downs," says Panettiere of her journey to sobriety and happiness. "But I don't regret even the ugliest things that have happened to me. I feel incredibly accomplished. And I feel like I have a second chance."
Already a star by the age of 11 after roles on soap operas and in Remember the Titans, Panettiere says she was just 15 when someone on her team began to offer her "happy pills" before she walked the red carpets. "They were to make me peppy during interviews," says Panettiere. "I had no idea that this was not an appropriate thing, or what door that would open for me when it came to my addiction."
Panettiere was drinking alcohol and occasionally taking opioids, but meanwhile, her career was flourishing. "My saving grace is that I couldn't be messy while on set and working," says the star, who landed the role of superpowered cheerleader Claire Bennet on Heroes when she was 16. "But things kept getting out of control [off set]. And as I got older, the drugs and alcohol became something I almost couldn't live without."
"Those were really tough years," says Panettiere, who suffered from severe postpartum depression after Kaya was born. "I could relate to a lot of those storylines like the alcoholism and postpartum depression. They hit close to home."
Panettiere sought treatment for her depression, but still found herself struggling — and increasingly independent on alcohol to get through the day.
"I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn't want to spend any time with her," says Panettiere, who didn't drink during her pregnancy but fell off the wagon after Kaya was born. "There was just this gray color in my life."
The actress would sneak away to drink, and her relationship with Klitschko, whom she began dating in 2009, began to crumble. "He didn't want to be around me," she recalls. "I didn't want to be around me. But with the opiates and alcohol I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I'd feel worse than I did before. I was in a cycle of self-destruction."
RELATED: Hayden Panettiere's Loved Ones Are 'More Worried Than Ever' About Her Relationship: Source
At her lowest point, "I would have the shakes when I woke up and could only function with sipping alcohol," says Panettiere. In 2018, the year Nashville ended, the actress made the heartbreaking decision to send Kaya to live with Klitschko (from whom she had split) in Ukraine. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do," she says. "But I wanted to be a good mom to her — and sometimes that means letting them go."
The drinking worsened and eventually Panettiere was hospitalized, suffering from jaundice. "Doctors told me my liver was going to give out," she recalls. "I was no longer a 20-year-old who could just bounce right back."
RELATED: Hayden Panettiere's Loved Ones Are 'More Worried Than Ever' About Her Relationship: Source
At her lowest point, "I would have the shakes when I woke up and could only function with sipping alcohol," says Panettiere. In 2018, the year Nashville ended, the actress made the heartbreaking decision to send Kaya to live with Klitschko (from whom she had split) in Ukraine. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do," she says. "But I wanted to be a good mom to her — and sometimes that means letting them go."
The drinking worsened and eventually Panettiere was hospitalized, suffering from jaundice. "Doctors told me my liver was going to give out," she recalls. "I was no longer a 20-year-old who could just bounce right back."
Eventually, Panettiere entered rehab for eight months. She credits her stay for giving her the tools to "get over the hump" of her addiction, but it wasn't until recently that the actress says she's finally found the peace she yearned for so long.
"It's an everyday choice, and I'm checking in with myself all the time," says Panettiere. "But I'm just so grateful to be part of this world again, and I will never take it for granted again."
"It's an everyday choice, and I'm checking in with myself all the time," says Panettiere. "But I'm just so grateful to be part of this world again, and I will never take it for granted again."
Hayden Panettiere on hotel brawl with ex Brian Hickerson: ‘Not my best behavior’
By Riley Cardoza
July 6, 2022 | 11:11am
Hayden Panettiere is well aware that her hotel brawl with ex Brian Hickerson wasn’t her finest hour.
“It was not my best behavior, it was not anyone’s best behavior,” the actress, 32, told People of the March incident in an interview published Wednesday.
The altercation took place outside of the Sunset Marquis in Los Angeles, with Panettiere trying to break up a fight between her on-again, off-again boyfriend, 33, and fellow patrons.
Hayden Panettiere: ‘I hit rock bottom,’ was addicted to opioids and alcohol
“It was not as insane as it was made to look, and everyone was OK,” the “Nashville” alum told the magazine.
Panettiere went on to give insight into her decision to reconnect with Hickerson, who was arrested in 2019 on domestic violence charges. Although the case was later dismissed, he was charged again in 2020 and pleaded no contest to two felony counts of injuring a partner.
Hayden Panettiere in a selfie.
Hayden Panettiere addressed her and Brian Hickerson’s March hotel fight.
haydenpanettiere/Instagram
“None of it is OK, and I want to make sure that everybody knows that,” the “Heroes” alum told People of Hickerson’s past behavior. “But I am open to people who are willing to get help and make amends.”
Panettiere noted that the sales executive has “gone to treatment and done his time,” adding, “I’m trying to live in a place of forgiveness.”
She explained that doing so has given her “a lot of inner peace.”
hayden-panettiere-28
12
"Not my best behavior," the actress said of the incident.
When the Golden Globe nominee began dating Hickerson in 2018, she experienced a “very dark time” in her life.
“A lot of women go through what I went through, and I want people to know it’s OK to ask for help,” she told the mag. “I want to make sure that everybody knows that each person who goes through something like that, they’re on their own journey. No two things are exactly alike.”
Panettiere was addicted to alcohol and opioids at the time, and she shared that her “cycle of self-destruction” led her to send daughter Kaya, now 7, to live with dad Wladimir Klitschko in Ukraine.
“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she admitted. “But I wanted to be a good mom to her — and sometimes that means letting them go.”
By Riley Cardoza
July 6, 2022 | 11:11am
Hayden Panettiere is well aware that her hotel brawl with ex Brian Hickerson wasn’t her finest hour.
“It was not my best behavior, it was not anyone’s best behavior,” the actress, 32, told People of the March incident in an interview published Wednesday.
The altercation took place outside of the Sunset Marquis in Los Angeles, with Panettiere trying to break up a fight between her on-again, off-again boyfriend, 33, and fellow patrons.
Hayden Panettiere: ‘I hit rock bottom,’ was addicted to opioids and alcohol
“It was not as insane as it was made to look, and everyone was OK,” the “Nashville” alum told the magazine.
Panettiere went on to give insight into her decision to reconnect with Hickerson, who was arrested in 2019 on domestic violence charges. Although the case was later dismissed, he was charged again in 2020 and pleaded no contest to two felony counts of injuring a partner.
Hayden Panettiere in a selfie.
Hayden Panettiere addressed her and Brian Hickerson’s March hotel fight.
haydenpanettiere/Instagram
“None of it is OK, and I want to make sure that everybody knows that,” the “Heroes” alum told People of Hickerson’s past behavior. “But I am open to people who are willing to get help and make amends.”
Panettiere noted that the sales executive has “gone to treatment and done his time,” adding, “I’m trying to live in a place of forgiveness.”
She explained that doing so has given her “a lot of inner peace.”
hayden-panettiere-28
12
"Not my best behavior," the actress said of the incident.
When the Golden Globe nominee began dating Hickerson in 2018, she experienced a “very dark time” in her life.
“A lot of women go through what I went through, and I want people to know it’s OK to ask for help,” she told the mag. “I want to make sure that everybody knows that each person who goes through something like that, they’re on their own journey. No two things are exactly alike.”
Panettiere was addicted to alcohol and opioids at the time, and she shared that her “cycle of self-destruction” led her to send daughter Kaya, now 7, to live with dad Wladimir Klitschko in Ukraine.
“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she admitted. “But I wanted to be a good mom to her — and sometimes that means letting them go.”
Hayden Panettiere’s daughter ‘still loves’ her despite living with Wladimir Klitschko
By Riley Cardoza
July 6, 2022 | 2:56pm
Hayden Panettiere: ‘I hit rock bottom,’ was addicted to opioids and alcohol
Hayden Panettiere’s 7-year-old daughter, Kaya, “still loves” her mom despite being sent to live with her dad, Wladimir Klitschko, in 2018.
“It was the hardest thing I could do,” the actress, 32, told People of sending her little one to Ukraine in an interview published Wednesday.
“But the best thing for my daughter was to make sure she was OK, take care of myself and make sure I could be a good mom to her,” Panettiere, who is newly sober following an alcohol and opioid addiction, explained. “And sometimes that means letting go.”
The “Nashville” alum gushed that Kaya is “smarter” than her, noting that her daughter is also “taller.”
“She has a beautiful life,” Panettiere told the magazine. “I was just with her. She’s just an amazing child. She’s smart, and she’s funny, and for whatever reason, she still loves me.
“She’s a happy kid open to a huge world,” she continued. “And she has more love than anybody I’ve ever met.”
By Riley Cardoza
July 6, 2022 | 2:56pm
Hayden Panettiere: ‘I hit rock bottom,’ was addicted to opioids and alcohol
Hayden Panettiere’s 7-year-old daughter, Kaya, “still loves” her mom despite being sent to live with her dad, Wladimir Klitschko, in 2018.
“It was the hardest thing I could do,” the actress, 32, told People of sending her little one to Ukraine in an interview published Wednesday.
“But the best thing for my daughter was to make sure she was OK, take care of myself and make sure I could be a good mom to her,” Panettiere, who is newly sober following an alcohol and opioid addiction, explained. “And sometimes that means letting go.”
The “Nashville” alum gushed that Kaya is “smarter” than her, noting that her daughter is also “taller.”
“She has a beautiful life,” Panettiere told the magazine. “I was just with her. She’s just an amazing child. She’s smart, and she’s funny, and for whatever reason, she still loves me.
“She’s a happy kid open to a huge world,” she continued. “And she has more love than anybody I’ve ever met.”
Hayden Panettiere and Kaya
Hayden Panettiere’s 7-year-old daughter, Kaya, “still loves” her despite their living arrangement.
Hayden Panettiere/Twitter
Hayden Panettiere’s 7-year-old daughter, Kaya, “still loves” her despite their living arrangement.
Hayden Panettiere/Twitter
Kaya is, however, having a “really, really hard time” amid Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, the “Heroes” alum shared.
Although Panettiere confirmed in February that her daughter was out of the war-torn country, she told People that Klitschko, 46, has been “on the ground fighting.”
A black-and-white selfie of Hayden Panettiere, Wladimir Klitschko and daughter Kaya.
Kaya began living with Wladimir Klitschko in Ukraine amid her mom’s opioid and alcohol addiction.
Hayden Panettiere/TTwitter
Kaya began living with Wladimir Klitschko in Ukraine amid her mom’s opioid and alcohol addiction.
Hayden Panettiere/TTwitter
“Every time I hear his voice or get a text from him, it’s such a relief,” the “Scream” star added before reflecting on a recent “heartbreaking” conversation with Kaya about the tragedy.
“The only question she had was, ‘Why is Putin doing this?'” Panettiere recalled.
Kaya was born in December 2014, four years before her parents called it quits on their engagement. Panettiere admitted in the interview that her “cycle of self-destruction” in the throes of her addiction caused her relationship with the former professional boxer to be on-again, off-again.
“The only question she had was, ‘Why is Putin doing this?'” Panettiere recalled.
Kaya was born in December 2014, four years before her parents called it quits on their engagement. Panettiere admitted in the interview that her “cycle of self-destruction” in the throes of her addiction caused her relationship with the former professional boxer to be on-again, off-again.
Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko on a red carpet.
The former couple dated on and off from 2009 to 2018.
The former couple dated on and off from 2009 to 2018.
Getty Images
“He didn’t want to be around me,” she said. “I didn’t want to be around me. But with the opiates and alcohol, I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I’d feel worse than I did before.”
Now Panettiere is “grateful to be part of this world again,” saying, “I will never take it for granted.”
“He didn’t want to be around me,” she said. “I didn’t want to be around me. But with the opiates and alcohol, I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I’d feel worse than I did before.”
Now Panettiere is “grateful to be part of this world again,” saying, “I will never take it for granted.”
