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Post by MsDark on Apr 30, 2022 16:35:09 GMT
Yes I've been experimenting. I'm in a rut when it comes to having any time or opportunity to meet new people. Thus I've got a profile on a couple of these and when I am in the right mood I might chat someone up (on the site).
Am I a weirdo for NOT wanting to give out my personal phone number to dudes? Are they clueless assholes for not understanding this? Or am I just old and out of touch?
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Post by Pixie on Apr 30, 2022 17:22:37 GMT
Last time I used a dating site I was 32 (and that was 5 years ago XD) and I did not give my personal number either. My current partner (whom I met back then) got my number after the first and second dates went well.
Guys I never planned on seeing or seeing again, no way, I dont want to be harassed thank you XD
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Post by MsDark on Apr 30, 2022 17:37:41 GMT
I mean, guys get assholish quick! Their behavior and reactions to this boundary only highlights EXACTLY why I'm not giving them my damn number. Lawd.
When the foot fetish guy is actually the nicest/most polite one I've chatted with, that says something! LOL
And no, that guy hasn't gotten my number either. And hasn't even mentioned it yet. So far he's just happy to have matter of fact discussion about feet. And what got him "into" feet.
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Post by sputnik on Apr 30, 2022 18:50:01 GMT
Yeah any guys who push back on your boundaries get automatically blocked. That said I’ve given my number out before but it depends on the guy and the type of conversations you’ve had with them and as always, trust your gut.
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Post by tulip on Apr 30, 2022 19:07:58 GMT
Yes I've been experimenting. I'm in a rut when it comes to having any time or opportunity to meet new people. Thus I've got a profile on a couple of these and when I am in the right mood I might chat someone up (on the site). Am I a weirdo for NOT wanting to give out my personal phone number to dudes? Are they clueless assholes for not understanding this? Or am I just old and out of touch? You're not a weirdo, you're smart. My sister has been on dating sites. Her stories are at once hilarious and unbelievable. Don't divulge any personal contact info until you are darn sure that person is trustworthy. |
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Post by czb on May 1, 2022 4:14:43 GMT
yeah, i agree with not giving out your # right away. meet them first.
i remember when i was on match, this was >20 years ago. i met one guy and he was nice and it was my first contact on the site. so i didn't know better and gave him my # right away. omg. after our first and only meet up (tepid), dude called me every hour for like 10 hours. i didn't answer the phone and sometimes he would hang up, sometimes leave messages. finally, one of the times he called the next day i picked up and said STOP. and he said, what's the big deal, they're just messages. now that you finally picked up and said NO, i won't call again.
don't go through what i experienced. WAIT to give out your number.
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burnt_toast
OGs 
bitter jealous fatty from the way back
Posts: 625
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Post by burnt_toast on May 1, 2022 15:43:53 GMT
I've given my number out before meeting in person a handful of times and all with reasonable results, but I do think everyone needs to set their own boundaries and find what makes them comfortable. I think it's awfully advantageous to have someone react badly to a simple boundary like that, as it does let you know pretty quickly who they are. Weeds out the ones I don't want to invest more time with.
Truly, I've done the online dating thing quite a bit and have had (mostly) good experiences with it, but I'm also crazy town picky about who I interact with at all out there.
Oh, and I mostly give out my number because I like having theirs. It gives me more to work with googling their information. I like a good amount of data.
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Post by MsDark on May 1, 2022 16:20:59 GMT
Hmm. Good points.
I'm still too paranoid to do this. Unless I had a burner phone with no gps.
What can I say. I have trust issues. Which is perhaps why I've avoided trying to date.
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Post by notoriousmkg on May 1, 2022 17:47:23 GMT
Damn, when I was still dating, you had to put an ad in a newspaper. I actually just missed the public-engraving-on-tablets era. Keep your chin up, Ms Dark -- you're a great catch.
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Post by shellee on May 2, 2022 2:18:00 GMT
When I hear dating sights, I always think of Mel and air wick dick.
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Post by sputnik on May 2, 2022 11:59:25 GMT
Hmm. Good points. I'm still too paranoid to do this. Unless I had a burner phone with no gps. What can I say. I have trust issues. Which is perhaps why I've avoided trying to date. it's a fine line with dating sites. you have to be careful but at the same time you also have to at least extend some trust to the guys you're dating and give them the benefit of the doubt (within reason) because they're not the men who caused your trust issues. i'm super picky about who i respond to and then i try to meet fairly quickly (or at least make sure they're not those dudes that string you along for weeks with messages but then never seem to want to meet irl - and there's a lot of them online), but only after i've talked to the guy enough so that i have some idea who he is and his expectations, and he knows mine (i.e. i'm not using this just for hookups). i also don't meet anyone whose last name i don't know (google before you meet!) and i'm pretty open about that. and then meet somewhere public like a café or restaurant and tell someone where you are. but you also have to be willing to put yourself out there, and to some degree choose to trust the men you do meet up with enough to open up a little, and give them the benefit of the doubt, otherwise it'll never lead to anything. i've had pretty reasonable results with online dating, and nothing really terrible or scary thankfully. |
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Post by no1novice on May 4, 2022 20:41:08 GMT
I’m with MsD - not ready to dip my toe back in but that’s good really since my friends bullied me into a dating site profile 3(?) years ago & I’ve still not had a date….
Dont give them your number MsD unless. You want to be inundated with unsolicited dick pics!
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Post by chalet on May 5, 2022 6:17:43 GMT
I harken back to the early days of online dating... I had a system. Exchange a couple of emails and go right to the phone. I had to hear their voice and had to have a real conversation. I'd give them my home number or I'd ask for their home number because I had to make sure they weren't married or lived with someone. You call me from your home number sucker, or else. I know things are different now. But Ms. Dark, I'm with you on the side of caution. Be yourself with boundaries. I think we know when it's a decent person.
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Post by czb on May 5, 2022 19:28:27 GMT
when i did online dating, we exchanged a few emails and then would agree to meet. maybe we chatted on the phone first in a few instances.
i did online dating for a few years, no really dramaz and met some cool guys but no one i really clicked with. only one guy kinda icked me out and i ended up leaving the date early.
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burnt_toast
OGs
bitter jealous fatty from the way back
Posts: 625
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Post by burnt_toast on May 5, 2022 20:35:22 GMT
I've had a LOT of really great dates (and met my current partner on a dating site) but I've also had a couple of dates that were pretty astonishing. My favorite was Duke. Duke drove 2.5 hours to take me to dinner (which is fine because I'm amazing and totally worth it - although I did find it a little strange). We'd been talking online pretty extensively for about a week before we decided to meet in person.
About half way through my steak he opens his mouth and says "I know women like all of this, the talking and dinner and laughing and stuff. But it's not really important to me." Puzzled, I asked him to clarify what he meant and he continued "You know, to have sex. Like I'm really just looking for sex." Our waitress was helping a table behind him and turned her head real slow-like, mouth agape, to look at me. She then made the 'signing check' motion and raised her eyebrows to clarify the question. I nodded. Poor Duke. I told him that if he was only interested in sex he could have simply said so from the start and saved us both a lot of time. He then asked if I wanted to go somewhere else for a drink and I declined. He walked me to my car, quietly crying the whole way. Bless that man.
An hour later he sent me a message and asked me if I would explain what he did wrong. Holy moly poor Duke. I told him to update his online dating profiles and make it clear he's just looking for a hookup. There's no shame in a hookup but if he continues to present himself as someone who wants a relationship he's always going to be rejected by the woman who agree to go out with him. Sigh. Anyhoo, the last time I saw him on a dating site was about a year ago (just before I met Mr. Toast) and he'd changed nothing ... still coming across as a guy who wants his 'forever love'.
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