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Post by notoriousmkg on Feb 24, 2023 22:35:18 GMT
I have been a lifelong romantic person because I was a really lonely kid at an all-boys high school, with no girlfriend. So, I told God, "If you give me a girlfriend, I swear I'll take care of her and won't f*ck it up!!!"
Also, my dad's sloppy emotional Irish side of the family really makes me over-sentimentalize everything, including personal relationships, TV programs, and even what I had for breakfast that day.
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holly
OGs 
GR member since 2005
Posts: 1,212
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Post by holly on Feb 24, 2023 22:58:48 GMT
If you've been with someone a long time, you're not going to get butterflies everytime you see them. Doesn't mean the love is gone. It's just that it changes. It becomes more about commonalities & goals & enjoying each other's companionship. And as you get older, it may also mean taking care of each other due to health issues. I've been on both sides of that! If you don't have love for that person, you're going to have a real hard time when it comes to something like that! It would be real easy to peace on outta there when the tough times hit if you don't love them. I used to work with someone who got divorced because her husband "wasn't romantic anymore". She was in her early 30's & should have had realistic expectations. They had a young child together & she had a pre-teen from a previous marriage. I'm sure she's been divorced several times by now, if she still has that expectation. Not saying that there won't be romantic moments or romantic evenings, etc. But to expect marriage to feel like one long romantic date is not realistic! I subscribe to the Fireworks versus Fire attitude. Fireworks are great! They're exciting and pretty and make you go ooh! and ahhh! But sooner or later the show is over and all that's left is dark sky and a memory of what they looked like. A fire, while not being as flashy, is comforting and brings you warmth. Sometimes it'll blaze, other times it'll die down but when that happens all it takes is a little effort and you can build it back up again. If you want something long term then always choose the fire over fireworks. Great way of putting it! |
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Post by no1novice on Feb 24, 2023 23:40:46 GMT
I have been a lifelong romantic person because I was a really lonely kid at an all-boys high school, with no girlfriend. So, I told God, "If you give me a girlfriend, I swear I'll take care of her and won't f*ck it up!!!" Also, my dad's sloppy emotional Irish side of the family really makes me over-sentimentalize everything, including personal relationships, TV programs, and even what I had for breakfast that day. 🤣 |
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trixie
OGs
stuck in the middle with you...
Posts: 2,105
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Post by trixie on Feb 25, 2023 1:09:41 GMT
I used to work with someone who got divorced because her husband "wasn't romantic anymore". She was in her early 30's & should have had realistic expectations. They had a young child together & she had a pre-teen from a previous marriage. I'm sure she's been divorced several times by now, if she still has that expectation. Not saying that there won't be romantic moments or romantic evenings, etc. But to expect marriage to feel like one long romantic date is not realistic! I know someone like that too. I guess you'd call it being in love with love. She was married a few times before I met her when she was engaged/living with a neighbor of mine. She used to cut my hair. They broke up and she moved out and then was engaged to another guy. They split and then she met someone from work. They had their wedding planned down to the venue and everything else. She called it off because yeah, it just wasn't exciting anymore. Then she met another guy and boom within a few months they got married. After a year or so, I see her facebook posts about "trusting the wrong people" and those sad memes. He's no longer on her page so I can read between the lines. All of this over the 12 years I've known her. She's really sweet, cute and maybe about 40 now. But man, she needs some therapy or something. She's a special ed teacher and quit the hair thing, although she came to my house and cut and colored me during the pandemic. I wish she still cut hair but I feel like it would be bad form to message her and say "hey so sorry about your marriage, have you considered cutting hair again?"  |
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Post by beeyotch on Feb 25, 2023 1:40:01 GMT
I have been a lifelong romantic person because I was a really lonely kid at an all-boys high school, with no girlfriend. So, I told God, "If you give me a girlfriend, I swear I'll take care of her and won't f*ck it up!!!" Also, my dad's sloppy emotional Irish side of the family really makes me over-sentimentalize everything, including personal relationships, TV programs, and even what I had for breakfast that day. Bless your heart. That explains everything about you. I think I get it now. I'm romantic but also relatively level-headed. I listen to my gut, and go for the safest fun option--emotional but conservative. I got lucky with my husband, he's never really proven my gut instinct about him wrong. But I have to say, parenthood really changed everything, even--or maybe especially--at our late age. I'm just so tired. I sometimes feel like I was such a foolish teenager for so much longer than my teenage or young adult years. When you have little responsibilities beyond yourself, and you're more or less evenly matched, it's relatively easy to feel young and carefree. And easy to sustain that prolonged adolescence of sorts that we hear so much about. I probably just don't have very much ability to multi-task beyond my most important needs. Lots of people do, but me, as soon as I know I've met my kid's needs I need to freakin' lie down and have a drink. Actually not conducive to romance most of the time. I have hope it will get better soon. |
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Post by eatsleepbeer on Feb 25, 2023 14:50:34 GMT
I used to work with someone who got divorced because her husband "wasn't romantic anymore". She was in her early 30's & should have had realistic expectations. They had a young child together & she had a pre-teen from a previous marriage. I'm sure she's been divorced several times by now, if she still has that expectation. Not saying that there won't be romantic moments or romantic evenings, etc. But to expect marriage to feel like one long romantic date is not realistic! I know someone like that too. I guess you'd call it being in love with love. She was married a few times before I met her when she was engaged/living with a neighbor of mine. She used to cut my hair. They broke up and she moved out and then was engaged to another guy. They split and then she met someone from work. They had their wedding planned down to the venue and everything else. She called it off because yeah, it just wasn't exciting anymore. Then she met another guy and boom within a few months they got married. After a year or so, I see her facebook posts about "trusting the wrong people" and those sad memes. He's no longer on her page so I can read between the lines. All of this over the 12 years I've known her. She's really sweet, cute and maybe about 40 now. But man, she needs some therapy or something. She's a special ed teacher and quit the hair thing, although she came to my house and cut and colored me during the pandemic. I wish she still cut hair but I feel like it would be bad form to message her and say "hey so sorry about your marriage, have you considered cutting hair again?" You know JLo? Didn't know she used to cut hair 😂🤣😂 |
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Post by kittylady on Feb 26, 2023 1:48:45 GMT
I have been a lifelong romantic person because I was a really lonely kid at an all-boys high school, with no girlfriend. So, I told God, "If you give me a girlfriend, I swear I'll take care of her and won't f*ck it up!!!" Also, my dad's sloppy emotional Irish side of the family really makes me over-sentimentalize everything, including personal relationships, TV programs, and even what I had for breakfast that day.I think I missed out on that part of my Irish heritage lol. Instead the sarcastic Scottish blood seems to have won out. |
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Post by notoriousmkg on Feb 26, 2023 2:37:37 GMT
I have been a lifelong romantic person because I was a really lonely kid at an all-boys high school, with no girlfriend. So, I told God, "If you give me a girlfriend, I swear I'll take care of her and won't f*ck it up!!!" Also, my dad's sloppy emotional Irish side of the family really makes me over-sentimentalize everything, including personal relationships, TV programs, and even what I had for breakfast that day.I think I missed out on that part of my Irish heritage lol. Instead the sarcastic Scottish blood seems to have won out. My mom was like 75% Scottish - both family last names were Scottish. All the women on her side were Hell on wheels. I think with my dad, I consciously tried to take all the good and leave the bad behind. That whole side of the family were huge drinkers. I'm very moderate and my brother is a teetotaler. But what we did get from my dad was telling people how much we love them and that we are in their corner. My dad never called me a name or cursed at me. But he could make really withering observations of something I did, LOL. It definitely helped me not take his criticism too personally. Plus, he adored my brother and me. So, I do the same with my own kids. I feel like my dad is living on every day through me in that way. Oh, I do want to say that when I was a kid, I had an Irish (literally came over as an adult) next-door neighbor. She was the mom of the two girls who lived next to me. She had the stereotypical head of curly red hair, and bright blue eyes and a super Irish accent. And very dramatic way of speaking and describing things. She clashed with a bunch of people, including her own husband, and everybody who was within a kilometer could hear it.  |
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Post by charmedhour on Feb 27, 2023 18:41:04 GMT
If you've been with someone a long time, you're not going to get butterflies everytime you see them. Doesn't mean the love is gone. It's just that it changes. It becomes more about commonalities & goals & enjoying each other's companionship. And as you get older, it may also mean taking care of each other due to health issues. I've been on both sides of that! If you don't have love for that person, you're going to have a real hard time when it comes to something like that! It would be real easy to peace on outta there when the tough times hit if you don't love them. I totally agree with you! My parents married young (18 & 20) and us kids followed quickly behind. My dad says all the time, his marriage came before his kids. That one day us kids would be grown and gone and he wasn't going to be left living with a stranger. I can't even verbalize how much that man loves my mother and my mother loves my father. It's quite sappy, actually.  You ask them what has made their marriage this strong and sucessful after close to 50 years- they tell you that they acutally like each other as people. That they put the effort into cultivating their friendship and marriage. |
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Post by palta on Feb 27, 2023 21:19:49 GMT
I think with my dad, I consciously tried to take all the good and leave the bad behind. That whole side of the family were huge drinkers. I'm very moderate and my brother is a teetotaler. But what we did get from my dad was telling people how much we love them and that we are in their corner. My dad never called me a name or cursed at me. But he could make really withering observations of something I did, LOL. It definitely helped me not take his criticism too personally. Plus, he adored my brother and me. So, I do the same with my own kids. I feel like my dad is living on every day through me in that way.this is so nice  |
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Post by no1novice on Feb 27, 2023 23:48:02 GMT
If you've been with someone a long time, you're not going to get butterflies everytime you see them. Doesn't mean the love is gone. It's just that it changes. It becomes more about commonalities & goals & enjoying each other's companionship. And as you get older, it may also mean taking care of each other due to health issues. I've been on both sides of that! If you don't have love for that person, you're going to have a real hard time when it comes to something like that! It would be real easy to peace on outta there when the tough times hit if you don't love them. I totally agree with you! My parents married young (18 & 20) and us kids followed quickly behind. My dad says all the time, his marriage came before his kids. That one day us kids would be grown and gone and he wasn't going to be left living with a stranger. I can't even verbalize how much that man loves my mother and my mother loves my father. It's quite sappy, actually.  You ask them what has made their marriage this strong and sucessful after close to 50 years- they tell you that they acutally like each other as people. That they put the effort into cultivating their friendship and marriage.Mine are the same. It's really sad to hear my mother bitching about my father as it really hurts him & he can't verbalise it. She's got worse as her memory goes. |
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