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Post by no1novice on Nov 22, 2022 1:10:22 GMT
I don't see how it matters, however I suggest that it was in her 30s and 40s.
She didn't need to be married to have IVF. She says she "threw everything at it" and she has a great attitude now
"I would’ve never become who I was meant to be,” she says."
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Post by Pixie on Nov 22, 2022 17:51:28 GMT
I am still shocked and beyond disgusted that people justify their life style choice (of not procreating) by using someone else's pain of being infertile to avoid a socially awkward situation. This may be directed at me, so I'll answer, but if not, just ignore everything I'll write XD Full disclosure, I actually am sterile, I'm not just saying that for the sake of embarrassing people. So why saying this instead of "no, I don't want children"? Well, because until you do, therefore making people finally too embarrassed to continue harassing you, you'll be treated to the full list of questions people feel entitled to ask women. " are you sure? You'll end up regretting later / what if you regret later?" - " you say that now, but your clock is ticking !" (bitch, I have no clock, I have Swyer Syndrome) " that's because you haven't found THE ONE !" (let me vomit in my soul) " So you won't give your parents any grandchildren?" (they're not a fucking houseplant, Bridget) " Don't you worry you'll end up alone and nobody will care for you when you're old?" (Is this really why people have kids?) " Young women nowadays, you're so focused on your career!" (bonus point if there's a condescending smirk) Some people outright asked if there was a problem with me (of course, a woman with a male partner but no kids must have a problem - fun fact, my partners were never asked if THEY had a problem) I have heard all of those questions, and more. So for years, I would just say "nah, children are not my thing", now I just say "no I'm sterile". I feel people often feel the right to be judgy and condescending towards child-free women, because for some weird-ass reason it is deemed "selfish" to not have children, which is also why I don't just say "I don't want kids" I also don't want some random Karen's opinion, or advice " oh I used to be just like you but then I met my husband and blha blah blah" People don't realise that all those questions are super intrusive, and can really hurt. Honestly, if I had wanted kids at some point, they'd probably have made me super depressed. |
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Post by brookie on Nov 22, 2022 23:22:52 GMT
69, no kids, no marriages. No regrets.
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Post by kittylady on Nov 22, 2022 23:32:15 GMT
PixieOh yes! We must never, EVER doubt the power of the mighty testicles! I've even had people suggest that I'm fortunate that Bloke has stayed with me even though I have never been able to successfully act as the vessel to bring forth the fruit of his mighty loins. I've also had friends have to go through all the invasive examinations and prodding and poking that they do to women who are trying to conceive and it's only when they all come up as normal that someone thinks to test the guy to see whether his swimmers are actually swimming or if they have all drowned themselves at the shallow end. I tell ya, they are quick enough to dismiss women's medical issues as hysteria or hypochondria until there's a possibility that it might reflect poorly on the man in their life. At that point they start looking for 1001 reasons about why it has to be something wrong with us and not him.
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Post by charmedhour on Nov 27, 2022 18:39:32 GMT
I am still shocked and beyond disgusted that people justify their life style choice (of not procreating) by using someone else's pain of being infertile to avoid a socially awkward situation. This may be directed at me, so I'll answer, but if not, just ignore everything I'll write XD Full disclosure, I actually am sterile, I'm not just saying that for the sake of embarrassing people. So why saying this instead of "no, I don't want children"? Well, because until you do, therefore making people finally too embarrassed to continue harassing you, you'll be treated to the full list of questions people feel entitled to ask women. " are you sure? You'll end up regretting later / what if you regret later?" - " you say that now, but your clock is ticking !" (bitch, I have no clock, I have Swyer Syndrome) " that's because you haven't found THE ONE !" (let me vomit in my soul) " So you won't give your parents any grandchildren?" (they're not a fucking houseplant, Bridget) " Don't you worry you'll end up alone and nobody will care for you when you're old?" (Is this really why people have kids?) " Young women nowadays, you're so focused on your career!" (bonus point if there's a condescending smirk) Some people outright asked if there was a problem with me (of course, a woman with a male partner but no kids must have a problem - fun fact, my partners were never asked if THEY had a problem) I have heard all of those questions, and more. So for years, I would just say "nah, children are not my thing", now I just say "no I'm sterile". I feel people often feel the right to be judgy and condescending towards child-free women, because for some weird-ass reason it is deemed "selfish" to not have children, which is also why I don't just say "I don't want kids" I also don't want some random Karen's opinion, or advice " oh I used to be just like you but then I met my husband and blha blah blah" People don't realise that all those questions are super intrusive, and can really hurt. Honestly, if I had wanted kids at some point, they'd probably have made me super depressed. I lost a pregnancy very far along related to a genetic clotting disorder. For years people would ask when we were having kids/trying angaon and finally I had enough and started to answer, “my baby died and there’s no guarantee another pregnancy won’t end the same way. In fact all 6 of my pregnancies ended with fetal death. Need more details?” |
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Post by sputnik on Nov 27, 2022 19:25:44 GMT
^^^
it's not fair to make anyone disclose that much information about something inherently private but i also kind of wish more people answered intrusive questions with answers like this, just to shut up the nosy assholes who still think it's their business if/how/when people choose to reproduce or not.
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Post by czb on Nov 27, 2022 20:09:37 GMT
i don't know if that's standard of care but that didn't happen to us ... the fertility doc tested both of us at the same time. just putting it out there. |
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Post by no1novice on Nov 27, 2022 21:43:32 GMT
i don't know if that's standard of care but that didn't happen to us ... the fertility doc tested both of us at the same time. just putting it out there. Same. |
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Post by Taniwha on Nov 27, 2022 21:50:33 GMT
i don't know if that's standard of care but that didn't happen to us ... the fertility doc tested both of us at the same time. just putting it out there. Same here. That’s the easiest and cheapest thing to rule out. |
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Post by beeyotch on Nov 28, 2022 3:17:49 GMT
This may be directed at me, so I'll answer, but if not, just ignore everything I'll write XD Full disclosure, I actually am sterile, I'm not just saying that for the sake of embarrassing people. So why saying this instead of "no, I don't want children"? Well, because until you do, therefore making people finally too embarrassed to continue harassing you, you'll be treated to the full list of questions people feel entitled to ask women. " are you sure? You'll end up regretting later / what if you regret later?" - " you say that now, but your clock is ticking !" (bitch, I have no clock, I have Swyer Syndrome) " that's because you haven't found THE ONE !" (let me vomit in my soul) " So you won't give your parents any grandchildren?" (they're not a fucking houseplant, Bridget) " Don't you worry you'll end up alone and nobody will care for you when you're old?" (Is this really why people have kids?) " Young women nowadays, you're so focused on your career!" (bonus point if there's a condescending smirk) Some people outright asked if there was a problem with me (of course, a woman with a male partner but no kids must have a problem - fun fact, my partners were never asked if THEY had a problem) I have heard all of those questions, and more. So for years, I would just say "nah, children are not my thing", now I just say "no I'm sterile". I feel people often feel the right to be judgy and condescending towards child-free women, because for some weird-ass reason it is deemed "selfish" to not have children, which is also why I don't just say "I don't want kids" I also don't want some random Karen's opinion, or advice " oh I used to be just like you but then I met my husband and blha blah blah" People don't realise that all those questions are super intrusive, and can really hurt. Honestly, if I had wanted kids at some point, they'd probably have made me super depressed. I lost a pregnancy very far along related to a genetic clotting disorder. For years people would ask when we were having kids/trying angaon and finally I had enough and started to answer, “my baby died and there’s no guarantee another pregnancy won’t end the same way. In fact all 6 of my pregnancies ended with fetal death. Need more details?” All of this is why I don't even have a problem with putting intrusive question-askers in their place, no matter the method. Even if it's someone saying they're sterile when really there's another reason they don't have children--the problem is the people who feel entitled to ask such intrusive questions. Anything that embarrasses them out of thinking it's appropriate small talk is ok by me. Everyone's path is different so I give benefit of the doubt on such a personal subject. Re: the woman only being tested and not the man, I think this happens mainly because many women start their fertility journey through their gynecologist, who may mention the male partner being tested but then it is up to you to find a urologist or fertility specialist. Whereas if you start with a fertility specialist, their standard of care is to test both partners from the start. |
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Post by charmedhour on Nov 28, 2022 10:43:19 GMT
^^^ it's not fair to make anyone disclose that much information about something inherently private but i also kind of wish more people answered intrusive questions with answers like this, just to shut up the nosy assholes who still think it's their business if/how/when people choose to reproduce or not. For a long time very few people outside of my immediate circle knew i had a loss at 7 months or 5 miscarriages. It was YEARS of people asking and every time it reopened the wound. My grandmother, who experienced her own set of losses- a newborn, a still birth and several miscarriages, encouraged me to be frank. She said the only way people will learn to STFU about shit that isn’t their business is to embarrass them with the truth. |
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Post by lindsaywhit on Nov 28, 2022 14:10:26 GMT
Can I just say how sad I feel for each of you who has struggled with infertility or made a decision to be childless only to endure probing, intrusive questions and opinions? My heart really goes out to you.
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